NAKM: Dec. 1, 2024

My Moana 2 Review & Lesser-Known Holiday Film Recommendations

Author

Brendan Knapp
December 01, 2024

Keep Christmas Special

I’m a Christmas fanatic. No surprise, seeing as I write the world’s top family film night newsletter aimed at snifter-sipping dads. It’s probably because my parents went all out. Now the nostalgia is more intoxicating than Cousin Eddie’s Eggnog (scroll down for the recipe).

Even though I’m a Santa stan, I make an effort to fight back the ever-encroaching season. A local pop station in Portland started playing Christmas tunes the day after Halloween. What did I do? I crowbarred that AC Delco outta my dash and chucked it out the window.

You don’t need to go too crazy. Just hold off a little bit — either this year or next. When you celebrate too early, it dilutes the seasonal vibes. By the end, you don’t get that Christmas high. You’re like a junky snorting rails of baking powder instead of the clean-cut good stuff.

That high gets us through winter. Seasonal depression is lurking just beyond the new year. We need a jolly damn Christmas to rocket us through January, aka Blanduary, and safely land on Super Bowl Sunday.

Spring Break, March Madness, and backyard barbecues are right around the corner.

That said, if you plan to celebrate early, I have some great Christmas recommendations for you after the pint-sized review.

Brendan

The Not Another Kid Movie Swag Shop

Moana 2

Pint-Sized Review:

Moana 2 is a sequel. Not just because there's a "2" after "Moana." It's a sequel because it feels like a sequel. Similar to The Secret Life of Pets, Home Alone, and Smurfs sequels, the songs, jokes, and references are all lifted from the first Moana film -- which is a Disney classic.

Moana 2 is not a classic. It's fine. It's not a classic.

I was excited during the opening sequence, wondering what wonders await in this epic fantasy buddy road flick. The first 20 minutes of the film deflated that excitement. The first Moana hooked you right away with its catchy songs, big heart, funny jokes, and sense of wonder.

Moana 2 tries to do the same by hitting all the same beats, except the rhythm quickly becomes monotonous and dull -- until Moana and crew hit the high seas.

The crew, and a few others we meet along the way, make Moana 2 sea-worthy enough for family film night. They provide the laughs. They give Moana a sense of attachment to the world she loves. When Maui arrives, he brings the same jokes and nearly the same song, but worse. As the story putts along, you realize his role in helping Moana and the grow. He offers a level of heart that this movie otherwise struggles to grasp.

And it grasps for the heart, again and again, never really holding on. The first movie effortlessly made you feel. This one really, really, really wants to make you feel but doesn't quite have the emotional oomph to pull it off.

I loved several parts:

  • The crew's collaboration with the coconut pirates (the Kakamora)

  • When Matangi's face flashes expressions in homage to classic vampires like Dracula and Nic Cage in Once Bitten (you know the meme)

  • The return of shark head

I love the shark head bit. I don't know why.

If you have kids who are Moana wannabes (Moanabes in the movie), see this one in the theater. Make sure it's a theater that serves beer. You'll need one or two to get through the first 20 minutes. Otherwise, wait for Moana 2 to hit Disney+ this spring and save about $13 a beer.

In theaters: Currently

Rating: PG

Director: David Derrick, Jr.

Starring: Auli'i Cravalho, Dwayne Johnson, Temuera Morrison

Run time: 1h 40m

Post-credits scenes: One mid-credits scene.

Bathroom breaks: According to RunPee…

  • 29:15 The mysterious woman says to Maui, “Enjoy your lunch.”

  • 1:05:50 Maui says, “Go get ‘em princess.”

Sequel? Yes.

If you liked Moana 2, check out these films:

  • Moana (2016) (5+)

  • Lilo & Stitch (2002) (4+)

  • Kubo & the Two Strings (2016) (6+)

  • Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas (2003) (5+)

  • Whale Rider (2012) (10+)

Fresh Cuts

The latest family films to hit all screens. Not all are winners. Watch at your own risk!

Streaming 🛜

  • Netflix

  • Hulu

    • (De(Dec. 1) Cheaper By the Dozen (2003)

    • (Dec. 1) Cheaper By The Dozen 2 (2005)

    • (Dec. 1) Diary Of A Wimpy Kid (2010)

    • (Dec. 1) Diary Of A Wimpy Kid: Dog Days (2012)

    • (Dec. 1) Diary Of A Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules (2011)

    • (Dec. 1) Epic (2013)

    • (Dec. 1) Ice Age: Continental Drift (2012)

    • (Dec. 1) Miracle On 34th Street (1994)

    • (Dec. 1) Mr. Holland’s Opus (1995) 

    • (Dec. 1) The Muppets (2011)

    • (Dec. 1) Muppets Most Wanted (2014)

    • (Dec. 1) Muppet Treasure Island (1996)

    • (Dec. 1) Rio 2 (2014)

    • (Dec. 1) The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 (2011) (10+)

    • (Dec. 1) The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2 (2012) (10+)

    • (Dec. 1) Twilight (2008) (10+)

    • (Dec. 1) Twilight Saga: Eclipse (2010) (10+)

    • (Dec. 1) Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009) (10+)

    • (Dec. 4) Storm Crashers (New)

    • (Dec. 6) Doctor Dolittle (1998) (12+)

    • (Dec. 6) Doctor Dolittle 2 (2001) (12+)

    • (Dec. 6) Marley & Me (2008) (10+)

    • (Dec. 6) Marley & Me: The Puppy Years (2011) (8+)

    • (Dec. 6) Summer Camp (2024)

    • (Dec. 9) Step Up (2006) (10+)

    • (Dec. 9) Step Up 2 The Streets (2008) (10+)

    • (Dec. 9) Step Up 3D (2010) (10+)

    • (Dec. 13) Scarygirl (2023) (6+)

    • (Dec. 13) A Sudden Case of Christmas (New)

  • Disney+

  • Max

    • (Dec. 1) Clash of the Titans (2010) (10+)

    • (Dec. 1) Glee The 3D Concert Movie (2011) (10+)

    • (Dec. 1) Jupiter Ascending (2015) (12+)

    • (Dec. 1) Lord of the Rings (1978) (7+)

    • (Dec. 1) Meet Me in St. Louis (1944) (6+)

    • (Dec. 1) Megamind (2010) (5+)

    • (Dec. 1) Mr. Popper’s Penguins (2011) (5+)

    • (Dec. 1) Strike Up the Band (1940) (6+)

    • (Dec. 1) The Goonies (1985) (6+)

    • (Dec. 1) The Hobbit (1977) (5+)

    • (Dec. 1) The Return of the King (1980) (5+)

    • (Dec. 1) The Shop Around the Corner (1940) (7+)

    • (Dec. 7) Super/Man: The Christopher Reeve Story (New)

  • Tubi

    • (Dec. 1) Akeelah And The Bee (2006) (7+)

    • (Dec. 1) Arthur Christmas (2011) (4+)

    • (Dec. 1) Bring It On (2000) (12+) 

    • (Dec. 1) Bring It On Again (2004) (12+)

    • (Dec. 1) Bring It On: All Or Nothing (2006) (12+)

    • (Dec. 1) Bring It On: Fight To The Finish (2009) (12+)

    • (Dec. 1) Bring It On: In It To Win It (2007) (12+)

    • (Dec. 1) Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs (2009) (4+)

    • (Dec. 1) Eight Crazy Nights (2002) (12+)

    • (Dec. 1) Garfield (Unclear which version)

    • (Dec. 1) Journey 2: The Mysterious Island (2012) (7+)

    • (Dec. 1) Journey To The Center Of The Earth (2008) (7+)

    • (Dec. 1) Mighty Joe Young (1998) (8+)

    • (Dec. 1) Nine Lives (2016) (6+)

    • (Dec. 1) Paul Blart: Mall Cop (2009) (9+)

    • (Dec. 1) Playmobil: The Movie (2019) (6+)

    • (Dec. 1) Richie Rich (1994) (6+)

    • (Dec. 1) Space Jam (1996) (5+)

    • (Dec. 1) Spies In Disguise (2019) (7+)

    • (Dec. 1) The Flintstones (1994) (8+)

    • (Dec. 1) The Flintstones In Viva Rock Vegas (2000) (8+)

In Theaters 📽️

On Disc 📀

News You Can Use (and Sometimes Booze)

All the new trailers, cool collaborators, tech and gadget releases, theater openings, and booze news that’ll make or break your family movie nights.

  • Industry: Animation guild reaches tentative deal with studios.

  • Theaters: AMC attempts to squash sing-a-longs during Wicked. Dads, be sure to fill your flask with Scotch, not bourbon – or risk facing a ban.

  • Trailer: First look at the live-action How to Train Your Dragon remake. Hopefully a Muppet version is just around the corner.

  • Streaming: Max (HBO) announces extended contract with Criterion, the cinephile-friendly distributor. Won’t impact your kids much, though Modern Times is family film night-worthy.

  • Rudolph: Moving from CBS to NBC. Airs Friday, Dec. 6. Will re-air the following Wednesday.

  • Bourbon: Kentucky to auction confiscated booze, including rare bottles of bourbon. Bid online HERE. Trust me, you’ll want that Blanton’s on hand when the kids demand you stream Hitpig! in January.

  • Health: Doctors say not to sit on the toilet for more than ten minutes. Hah! And lose my only private (totally not private) moments of the day?

Papa Do Preach!

”Remember, no man is a failure who has friends.”

George Bailey, It’s a Wonderful Life

Let’s Get Rec’d!

Check my list before you wreck yourself next family film night.

Keepin’ It Real

The Christmas Chronicles (2018) (5+)

The Christmas Chronicles is a modern, imaginative take on the kids-save-Christmas trope. I’ll be frank: The Christmas Chronicles is not going to rock your stockings this holiday season. But Kurt Russell kicks ass as Santa, and it’s just fun enough to get your kids fired up. The silliness and sweetness may be a pinch too much for some of us, but you can cut that sweetness with a splash of bourbon. The Christmas Chronicles is now streaming on Netflix.

Kickin’ It Old School

March of the Wooden Soldiers (1934) (4+)

March of the Wooden Soldiers is a wild, silly, sometimes psychedelic holiday classic starring the charming and ridiculous Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy. You may fear your kids won’t watch this 1934 film because it’s black-and-white — and ancient. But there’s a good chance they will. Its fantastical sets draw their eyes in. The wacky story keeps them intrigued. Add to your list if you’re looking for something much different this holiday season. Pro Tip: Watch if the kids are down and you’re in an altered state. Stream it on YouTube.

Secret Sauce

Merry Little Batman (2023) (5+)

BAM! There’s new holiday classic about…Batman? It's probably not what you expected to see, but KABOOM! Merry Little Batman is a charming, fun newcomer you'll want to PLOP! into your annual holiday lineup. It's a little stocking stuffer of a movie that might be your best gift for family film night. It has more than a ZAP! of Batman but focuses on his son, who gets into some merry little trouble. You may find yourself shouting AIEEI! each year you get to return to this gem of a movie. Merry Little Batman is currently streaming only on Prime.

For Your Eyes Only

What to watch after THEY go to bed.

Saturday Night Live: Season 39, Episode 23 (2013)

SNL has a fantastic Christmas Special that drops on a Thursday every mid-December. The lineup of sketches, shorts, cold opens, and music changes every few years. Season 39, Episode 23 from 2013 is the best lineup, featuring John Malkovich's Night Before Christmas reading, Christmastime for the Jews, the late '90s cast singing I Wish It Was Christmas Today, Steve Martin's Holiday Wish, and many more classics. It's become my tradition to pour a Scotch on Christmas Eve, once the family goes down, and soak in the best of SNL from the last half-century. You can stream this specific episode on Peacock.

Cousin Eddie’s Eggnog

Ingredients:

  • 4 cups whole milk

  • 1 cup heavy cream

  • 1 cup sugar

  • 6 large eggs

  • 1 cup bourbon

  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Ingredients

  • Ground nutmeg

Instructions:

  1. Separate: In a large mixing bowl, separate the egg yolks and whites. 

  2. Whisk: In the bowl with the yolks, whisk in the sugar until it’s well combined and creamy.

  3. Cream: Stir in the milk, heavy cream, bourbon, and vanilla extract. Mix well.

  4. Beat: In a separate bowl, beat the egg whites until they form soft peaks. Gently fold the beaten egg whites into the eggnog mixture.

  5. Chill: Refrigerate the eggnog for at least an hour.

  6. Serve: Pour the eggnog into authentic Griswold Moose Mugs. Sprinkle with ground nutmeg.

  7. Eddie: Break your cousin-in-law’s Nativity Carousel with an unnecessary poke.

Cheers!

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