NAKM: Oct. 15, 2024

The Kindertrauma Season

Halloween is wafting into town. You can smell the mix of musky leaf piles, frothy pumpkin ales, and children’s tears.

Why? Because you tried to introduce The Witches to a four-year-old with no context.

“But it’s a kid’s movie, Brendan! You even put it on your /Film list of the greatest family films!”

This is true, Brendan. Thanks for the reminder. Yes, I did. The Witches is a fantastic family film…in the right context. It’s pure kindertrauma thanks to Jim Henson’s makeup and effects team and Angelica Huston’s powerful performance. While watching three years ago, my eldest, who was four at the time, raised her hand like she was in the classroom and asked if we could turn it off – yet she couldn’t take her eyes off the screen. I turned it off and waited…until this last weekend.

She and my five-year-old endured Roald Dahl’s nightmare fuel at Movie Madness in Portland, Oregon. Guess what? There were no screams. No tears. Everyone slept fine.

Why? Because it’s Halloween. The holiday invites us to get a little uncomfortable. The framing of the spooky season means your kids can endure a little more scariness than usual.

Dads, it’s like when you go to a Sandals resort and throw back a few dozen Dos Equis. The next morning, you wake up at dawn feeling like a million bucks. It’s because your mind is set to vacation. You withstand punishment you couldn’t take outside the vacation mindset. Halloween is a similar state of mind.

I’m not saying to have your two-year-old watch Salem’s Lot like me (thanks, dad!). But if your kids are afraid of mild movies like Nightmare Before Christmas at Christmastime, they may be able to handle it during Halloween. Also, talk to them about why it’s fun to be scared. Tell them we’re able to safely experience fear right where we should be – on our couch or in the reclining seats of a theater – next to dad. Our hands our squeeze-proof.

Besides, screaming is just laughter flipped upside down. It’s good to open our mouths and let it out now and again. Halloween is the perfect time to release.

Scroll down for my family-friendly and not-too-kindertraumatic recommendations.

Happy Halloween!

Brendan

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Let’s Get Rec’d!

Let’s kick off the content with what you came here for: Halloween recommendations.

Keepin’ It Real

Incredible performances, led by Tom Hanks, help The ‘Burbs transcend the bad neighbors trope. It’s great for young audiences because Hanks and company regress to their younger selves, acting and playing like kids who see something they shouldn’t have. There is a mention of a mass murder, human bones, and a few classic horror scenes on a TV, but otherwise The ‘Burbs is a safe bet for family film nights. In fact, don’t be surprised to hear more laughs than screams from your young ones.

There aren’t many movies like Lady in White. It’s set on Halloween – and has the excitement of the holiday – but it’s a bit of a slow burn you don’t feel until the dread is draped around you. Lady in White is not for all audiences. It’s about a town navigating a string of child murders. The adults pursue action in court. The kids fear a supernatural presence. One kid gets stuck in school overnight and makes a discovery that starts to unravel the mystery. You can rent Lady in White through digital services or watch with ads on Tubi.

Kickin’ It Old School

Are you tired of green screen schlock? This mechanical marvel of the ‘50s is just what you’re looking for. An army of special effects wizards bring these giant nuclear bugs to life using mechanical puppets. Given the subgenre (giant bug invasion) , you may assume the effects will be corny. But they aren’t. They work. This movie is why we saw an invasion of giant insect films. Most are garbage. Them! rocks.

Amazon lists Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein as 13+, but this is actually a 6+ classic. Don’t get me wrong, you’ll hear some shrieks as Frankenstein’s monster, Dracula, and the Wolfman terrorize comedy icon Lou Costello. But those howls will be half-giggle as your kiddos realize it’s all for laughs. And they will laugh. You will too. If you want to also explore the movies of the horror icons in Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein, you’re in luck. Amazon has several Universal Monsters featured on Prime this month.

Droppin’ Knowledge

Watching The Halloween Tree is like being transported back to the 1990s. There wasn’t much quality kids Halloween programming back then, right Mr. Boogedy? This one stands out. ABC turned a Ray Bradbury classic into this hidden gem. Your kids will learn about the history of Halloween and may get spooked out a little while you enjoy the classic Hannah Barbera animation. To see this Emmy-award winning movie, you’ll have to rent it on Amazon or Apple TV – or we may get lucky and Cartoon Network will air it again this year.

I never celebrated Día de Muertos. Coco made me want to. The Pixar classic makes you believe in the afterlife – or at least the kind of afterlife transition represented on screen. This beautifully animated, beautifully scored, beautifully written movie will tug at your dad strings, making you understand why it’s important to celebrate those we lost. Keep a tissue close by – for the kids, of course! Sip an appropriately stiff drink. Celebrate the season. Remember those you lost. Help your kiddos understand they’re not gone and we won’t forget them. Coco is on Disney+.

Is It Screen-Worthy?

Screentime is the devil. But some films are worth dabbling with the dark lord. In these pint-sized reviews, I tell you how much hooch it takes to sit through each recently released family film.

Pint-Sized Review:

The Bad Guys: Haunted Heist is not a full feature. It’s a 24-minute Halloween special. You probably think this is one you should put on for the kids while you do dishes or audit your beer cellar. I say instead you should plunk your butt down next to the kids and get into the holiday spirit.

The story is easy to follow, including the character introductions, making it accessible if you haven’t seen the Bad Guys movie or read the graphic novels. Although different actors voice the characters than the movie, they are solid replacements. The Bad Guys love their heists, and this seasonal special is no different, except that the target home is haunted.

The Bad Guys: Haunted Heist dabbles in meta-commentary as Wolf breaks down the haunted house tropes. It’s not hilarious. But it’s fun enough and sometimes clever – some twists you’ll see a mile away, but some will sneak up on you.

Give The Bad Guys: Haunted Heist your attention for 24 minutes. Your kids will love the shared experience. You can even make it into an evening of shorts by streaming my first two recommendations below. Scared Shrekless will require a stiff drink, but Toy Story of Terror will make you forget to pour a second scotch.

The Bad Guys: Haunted Heist is a quick hit of Halloween fun that pairs nicely with its contemporaries and an autumn-friendly post-dinner digestif such as scotch or Fernet. You can stream it now on Netflix.

On Netflix: Oct. 1

Rating: N/A (Mine: 5+)

Director: Kevin Peaty & Christo Stamboliev

Starring: Michael Godere, Ezekiel Ajeigbe, & Mallory Low

Run time: 24 Minutes

Post-credits scenes: No. At 24 minutes there’s barely a pre-credits scene.

Bathroom breaks: If you can’t hold it 24 minutes, consult a physician.

If you liked The Bad Guys: Haunted Heist, check out these films:

• Toy Story of Terror (2013) (5+)

• Scared Shrekless (2010) (5+)

• The Bad Guys (2022) (5+)

• The Bad Guys: A Very Bad Holiday (2023) (5+)

Fresh Cuts

The latest family films to hit all screens through the end of the month — good and bad films included.

In Theaters

• (Oct. 18) Bookworm

• (Oct. 18) Kensuke’s Kingdom

• (Oct. 18) Gracie & Pedro: Pets to the Rescue

• (Oct. 18) Hocus Pocus (1993/re-release)

• (Oct. 26) Kiki’s Delivery Service (1989/re-release)

• (Oct. 31) Coraline (2009/re-release)

On Disc

• N/A

News You Can Use (and Sometimes Booze)

All the new trailers, cool collaborators, tech and gadget releases, theater openings, and booze news that’ll make or break your family movie nights.

• Beer: The next generation of brewers steps up at the Great American Beer Festival. 8,836 beers entered. The winners are from across the country.

• Wild Robot: A sequel is underway. It’s likely to follow the second book, which is about a big reunion, and will in no way inspire a downpour of dad tears.

• Donuts: I ain’t afraid of no dough(nuts)! Krispy Kreme releases four limited edition Ghostbusters doughnuts for the film’s 40th anniversary. Yep. You’re old.

• Scares: Variety’s top horror movies of all time. There are a few movies your kids can watch – though some will ensure they never sleep again. Here’s a review for you.

• Voltron: A team is assembling for a live-action Voltron remake. Henry Cavill will star.

• Beatles: A Hard Day’s Night and Yellow Submarine are two family film night hits in my house. A doc about the Fab Four’s first US tour, directed by Martin Scorsese, could be another.

Papa Do Preach!

For Your Eyes Only

What to watch after THEY go to bed.

In the weeks before Halloween, I like to get a little spooky after the kids go down. Usually I offer one recommendation FOR YOUR EYES ONLY — but that doesn’t cut it this month. You need more. I deliver. Here are horror movie recs for each major streamer. You can find five more over at my Facebook page.

• Netflix

  • Bone Tomahawk

    • A wild west revenge flick about cannibals that’s funny, gory, and stars some of your favorite people.

• Hulu

  • The First Omen

    • This prequel had no business being as good as it is. And by a first time filmmaker? Director Arkasha Stevenson and cinematographer sear their devilish imagery into your skull. And remember, they did this all for you!

• Max

  • Pulse (2001)

    • Disturbing imagery make this one a classic of J-horror – and not gory disturbing, but the kind that will keep you up at night. I mention Pulse because director Kiyoshi Kurosawa may have released the scariest movie of 2024 – a short named Chime that unfortunately is not in the U.S. at this time.

• Prime

  • Hell House LLC

    • A low-budget, brilliantly paced and revealed fright-fest that somehow simulates the feeling of going to a haunted house on Halloween. It has three sequels, but this one I keep returning to.

• AMC+/Shudder

  • Oddity

    • A haunted house movie but it’s not like any other haunted house movie you’ve seen before. The premise: A blind medium uses her unusual skills and access to supernatural items, including one terrifying oddity, to find out what happened to her sister.

Tip: Shudder offers free trials — perfect for a week of commitment-free Halloween fun.

Stir Things Up!

Drink recipes that’ll get your reel spinning!

Slimer's Ectoplasm Fizz

Ingredients:

• 1.5 oz Midori (melon liqueur)

• 1 oz vodka

• 1 oz lime juice

• 0.5 oz simple syrup – (optional sweetener)

• Club soda

• Green sugar or salt for rimming (optional)

• Ice

• Green gummy worms

Instructions:

1. Rim: If you really want to please the gatekeeper, slime the rim of your glass. Rub a lime wedge around the rim, then dip it in green sugar or salt.

2. Mix: Fill a shaker with ice, add the Midori, vodka, lime juice, and simple syrup (if using). Shake vigorously for 10-15 seconds.

3. Fizz: Strain the mixture into your prepared glass filled with ice. Top with club soda to give it that fizzy “ectoplasm” effect.

4. Wym: If you can’t find this rare gummy, drop a few green gummy worms into the glass. Zuul demands it.

5. Warning: When you’re hitting the head, remember not to cross streams or things can get real messy.

Cheers!

Show Me What You Got!

I want to see your kickass film collectibles, outdoor movie setup, or Fam Cave.

Some Halloween content is not for us. Puppy Dog Pals Halloween episodes are for their eyes only. That said, I love Disney+’s Halloween section. Find it by going to Search and moving the cursor to the categories on the right.

Let’s see your pics. Share them HERE.

The Man Behind the Mask

Thanks for reading and subscribing!

I am a former television news journalist who now writes about movies, parenting, and tech online (and occasionally on paper). My number one job, though, is making sure my girls grow up with steady heads on their shoulders. I think our shared movie nights have a positive impact on their self-esteem and develop an awareness of the world around them. I relish every night — except for maybe Baby Geniuses. I got through that one with my good friend George Dickel rye.

Brendan Knapp