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- NAKM: Jun. 1, 2025
NAKM: Jun. 1, 2025
Embrace This AI Not That AI and My Lilo & Stitch Review
Brendan Knapp
June 01, 2025
To AI or Not to AI?
This is not a rehashing of why AI cannot make art. But for those of you new to this corner of the world, consider this: AI has no human flaws, which when overcome, imbues art with a sense of soul. We humans love human-made art because it’s an expression of our flaws in form and feel. AI has a purpose, but art ain’t it.
What about other forms of AI-created content?
I ask because of the recently released A Very Long Carriage Ride. The new feature consists of two 100% AI-created pieces of content that are supposed to be a Disney-style animated film and a Claymation film. Hooroo Jackson, the lazy jackass — I mean — “director” behind the feature says, “By fully embracing AI's artistic potential, I've created a work that confronts traditional gatekeeping, democratizes storytelling, and embodies cinema's new frontier.” Apparently, two euphemisms for stealing are the frontier of cinema.
Should we consume this.
Hell no.
First of all, it’s stealing. The developers behind content generators brilliantly call their service AI. But there is no artificial intelligence behind their coding. It’s just Google with better communication skills. Where does it get the content that you find on AI? It’s stolen. And not like hip-hop sampling or zine collage or even meme creation. Those are humans forms of expression that utilize other media. This yahoo named Hooroo pours other peoples’ creations into a machine which then spews out less interesting content.
Second, there’s no struggle. To use a classic example: Spielberg’s Jaws is a thrilling classic because the mechanical shark built for the film didn’t work. Spielberg’s struggle to work around that creates the atmosphere that makes the film special. This Carriage BS is some dude, probably in his parents’ basement, dumping copyrighted material into incredibly powerful computers that regurgitate something that partially mirrors human-created stories and films that we love. No struggle, no soul.
Third, the environmental cost is astronomical. Carnegie Mellon researchers found that generating a single image using a powerful AI takes the same amount of energy as charging your phone. And the most detailed images generate the same carbon as driving a gas-powered car 4.1 miles.
Fourth, f**k this guy and his ridiculous name. Look, AI can have an incredibly powerful impact on humanity. At the Lake Nona Impact Forum in February, the head of Microsoft Research, Dr. Peter Lee, said AI is capable of learning new languages humans can’t. For instance, it can talk to nature. Suddenly, we can speak with carbon molecules and find ways to pull them from our atmosphere.
That can change the world for the better. Half-assing rehashed classic films and literature will not. Let’s use AI for good. Not for creating cinematic deepfakes.
My recommendations this month are for movies with AI beings who change the lives of those around them for the better.
Cheers!
Brendan
PS — I have stuffed too much content into this newsletter. It may cut off. Be sure to click the [Message clipped] View entire message link at the bottom.
My Pint-Sized Review of Lilo & Stitch
In Lilo & Stitch, “Ohana” means “no one gets left behind.” It’s a great theme about family and change and it’s complete BS because the climax of the movie is about Lilo getting left behind.
It’s a departure from the 2002 movie — one of many. And let me tell you, these changes are not popular. Screen Rant writer Robert Pitman does a great job explaining why.
Because this is a pint-sized review, I’m not going to get into that. Instead, I’ll look at the film with fresh eyes.
This may be Disney’s best live-action remake behind Jungle Book. But that’s not saying much. The remake works because Maia Keoaloa makes you care about her. She’s witty, endearing, and capable of showing incredible depth for such a young actress.
Stitch is kind of a lot. He’s like your five-year-old after a Frappuccino. He’ll make you laugh but his frenetic destructiveness eventually wears on you. The good news is, he does change. He’s given a solid character arc.
Unfortunately, no one else has an arc. And the remake removes the components from the 2002 version that drove them to change. There are visual representations of them in the remake, but their meaning is absent.
One example is why Lilo feeds a fish every day. She says it’s to control the weather. The remake uses that to show us Lilo is a little bonkers. In the 2002 version, we find out bad weather killed her parents.
That kind of depth is missing from much of the remake. Things are happening. You’re hit with danger and melodrama instead of building emotional resonance to make you feel the suffering that draws star-crossed best friends from across the galaxy to redefine what a family is.
The new Lilo & Stitch will score some laughs with your kids. There’s some shallow emotional payoff. It’s fine to see in theaters — but I’d sneak in a premade mai tai to suffer through.
In theaters: Now
Rating: PG (4+)
Director: Dean Fleischer Camp
Starring: Maia Keoaloa, Sydney Elizebeth Agudong, Zach Galifianakis
Run time: 1:48
Post-credits scenes: The story moves forward during the credits.
Bathroom breaks: According to RunPee:
23:20 as Jumba and Pleakley head out to find Stitch
46:30 as Stitch destroys Nani’s kitchen.
Sequel? No word yet. But given it’s banking, I’d bet on Disney saying yes.
If you liked ***_______***, check out these films:
Lilo & Stitch (2002) (4+)
The Iron Giant (1999) (6+)
E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1982) (5+)
Bumblebee (2018) (6+)
Fresh Cuts
The latest family films to hit all screens. Not all are winners. Watch at your own risk!
Streaming 🛜
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In Theaters 📽️
(June 13) How to Train Your Dragon
On Disc 📀
none
News You Can Use (and Sometimes Booze)
Sesame Street: After Warner Bros. Discovery’s idiotic head honcho cut Sesame Street, Netflix and PBS Kids (free app!) picked it up.
Teaser: Our first peek at Zootopia 2 takes us into new corners of the anthropomorphic animal metropolis. The first is a hilarious but tense classic. The second? I’ll find out in the theater.
Beer: Great Notion is now selling “The Goonies — uh we mean The Smoothies” to celebrate the 40th Anniversary of Oregon’s greatest film The Smoothies. Uh, I mean, The Goonies.
Papa Do Preach!
“Until you were born, robots didn’t dream, robots didn’t desire unless we told them what to want.”
Let’s Get Rec’d!
Check my list before you wreck yourself next family film night.
Too Soon?
Short Circuit (1986) (8+ with a pre-movie chat)
There are some, uh, questionable choices on the production side, namely casting — which may require a proactive explanation beforehand — and which means you may just want to steer clear of this until your child is older. That said, you can’t question the humanity of Johnny #5. He’s not programmed with humanity. That’s impossible. No, he learns from the humans he forms a relationship with. This is one of the great film tropes: Technology that learns to care. Short Circuit does this with comedy and adventure and acting chops — despite certain, uh, questionable choices with casting.
Keepin’ It Real
Robot & Frank (2012) (10+)
Charming. Funny. Some F-bombs. This may be closer to Too Soon? than Short Circuit because of a few choice words. But don’t let that get in the way of seeing this smart and sentimental dramedy. Critic Ryan Gilbey says it perfectly in his review: “The whimsical but whip-smart tone suggests a live-action version of a Pixar movie.” It’s about an aging ex-con who gets his AI caretaker to help him on a few gigs. Frank Langella is intense as Frank. Robot brings some levity. Peter Sargsaard counters his intensity as the affable but numb Robot. In the end, Frank learns about the importance of connecting to other beings while Robot doesn’t learn anything because it’s a robot and was not programmed to learn. Didn’t see that twist coming. You will see the twist in Robot & Frank a mile away. It’s a little much — but worth the rest of this journey.
Secret Sauce
Ron’s Gone Wrong (2021) (4+)
A socially awkward middle schooler meets a malfunctioning robot. They become best friends. What makes the AI relatable and lovable is that it’s faulty. It screws up. The AI struggles, which gives it some of that humanity that’s missing from Hooroo’s Carriage Ride or whatever it’s called. The mistakes lead to misadventures, which lead to growth — and the acceptance that life is messy. That’s what makes life fun: It happens regardless of your plans.
For Your Eyes Only: Drinking Game Edition!
What to watch after THEY go to bed.
Solo (1996)
Subscribers love to tell me what movies they’re watching. Their suggestions often lead me to new gems or classics from my youth. One day, a subscriber told me she watched Solo with her kids. I was like, “Solo as in the ‘He’s not supposed to have feelings’ Solo?” She said, “God no, the Star Wars one.”
Look, I’m not supposed to have feelings about Solo. But that fake suggestion stirred something in me. I sat and watched the 1996 Mario Van Peebles-starring Solo and discovered two things: 1. This movie is awful (ly awesome). 2. This movie makes a kickass drinking game. Here are the simple (ly awesome) rules:
Solo Red Solo Cup Drinking Game That You Shouldn’t Do Solo
Take a drink when…
You see an explosion
You see low-rent ‘90s computer graphics
Solo kills someone
Solo does a ridiculous (ly awesome) flip
Someone says “perfect soldier”
Someone says “feelings” or “feel”
Finish your cup when…
You see an Academy Award-winning actor for the first time
Any more rules and you’ll be waking up solo on the couch. Have fun with this one! And, thanks, Krissy!